Words behind the wall

Usually you’d be there to hold me through the storm; i had to teach myself again to close my eyes and breathe in & out and that I’m safe. You’d usually be there to hold my hand while out in public, and remind me that it’s just people; I had to teach myself again that it’s normal to go shopping and nobody’s staring. You used to be there after a long day of work to listen about how ima quit one day; I had to teach myself to come home and cater myself for an hour or so before reentering the world. We used to use shower time to communicate; now i let the tears fall and wipe them all away for a new day. You’d send me the cutest/funniest tictocks; now i watch them & shed a tear bc all the saddest one are relatable. You used to come home to me and love on me like it was only us in the world; I had to learn a new schedule so I didn’t expect you anymore. Usually on the bad days you’d help get myself together and up; now when I’m alone I just sleep. You used to text me anytime you were gone; now I try my best to stay off of it & I’ve really disconnected from the world. I’ve had to teach myself a lot because I put so much into you. I had to reteach myself how to be alone. I havent quite grasped the concept yet. I hope I do soon. I feel like I lost quite a bit when you left but I think I lost it more in the process of putting so much onto/into you. You taught me self love and confidence; you were my safe place no matter the problem, no matter the place. I looked left and you were there but now that you’re gone I look left and I’m alone. I never felt this alone. It’s still hard. This is a hard thing to process. I have to keep reminding myself that everything is for the best and I have to truly let you go. I have to gain my self love and confidence and independence back. I have to trust the process and take it a moment at a time. Most importantly breathe, because one day (sooner or later ) I will be okay.