Words behind the wall

To the guy who decides to truly try and love me, I appreciate the patience you will have to have to do this. It might be hard at first because of how messed up my trust is and how I second guess everything. If it’s true, I’ll eventually trust your word, please just keep proving me wrong. When I finally trust you, please don’t take advantage. It would take me a lot to get here.

If I decide to date you and tell you I want to marry you, I mean it. I can imagine how great you are and how amazing you have made me feel for us to get to this point. I said I’d never date again, but then you came. I bet you make me laugh and love me in a way I’ve craved for a while.

I can only give a little advice on loving me, because I just love to feel wanted and there are a million ways people have to show that. So here it is. Before getting so angry at me that you want to yell or argue, please try and hear me out and understand. I will always do the same. If for some reason we can’t see eye to eye we can agree to disagree and move on. I will always compromise if it means a better you and I. Also remember I’m learning and healing; so teach me instead of degrade me. Last, just love me and put me first. Not selfishly but reasonably.

If I let you meet my son and he gets close to you, please don’t leave. He’s as fragile as me. He loves hard and he gets attached so fast. He’s been there through it all and wants to see his mother being loved properly and carefully. He loves to wrestle and play around. He loves to throw the ball and go outside- all things I can do but lack. He will love you hard and will really be close with you too. Treat him kind. Remember he is me.

I feel like I have plenty to offer and as I grow I’ll become better. I know I’m a little damaged but I also know I’m worth it. I need somebody who can match that. If I pay the utilities, you pay the internet. If I buy dinner, you buy dessert. Just give me half . On your bad days, if you’re 20, I’ll be the 80 and we will get through it. All I expect is that same energy back. Truly learn me and why I am the way I am.

I love hard dude. When I’m in, I’m all in. I put you first and would do anything in this world to make you laugh or smile. If you ain’t got it, I got you. If you need to vent- you want advice or just for me to listen? Have you ate today? Need money for a hair cut? Like I love being affectionate and anything to know you’re okay and your day is 10/10 everyday.

Hey my future next, thank you for giving me a chance. I hope you see how amazing this life could turn out to be with me and that’s what makes you give this a chance for forever.